My time in The Seed in 1972 was one of the worst experiences of my life. But I just finished reading Help at Any Cost by Maia Szalavitz and I learned that compared to Straight, KIDS, WWASP, North Star, and hundreds of other “teen help" programs, The Seed was quite mild. Over the last three decades, “tough love” programs have spawned like evil bacteria and become incredibly more vicious and cruel.

I don’t really understand what this sickness is that drives adults to treat teenagers like garbage. It strikes me as a throwback to an era when children were literally considered property, with no claim to personhood of their own. I can sink into dizzying rages when I think about the levels of abuse dished out to teens in the sanctimonious name of “rehabilitation,” and how the egomaniacal thugs that run these places never go to jail for it, even when a kid dies. But my rage does not serve me or anyone else. And at this point in my life, just a couple years shy of fifty years old, being of help feels like the only thing that matters.

So how can I help? All I have are my words. For what they’re worth, I hope they may help someone.

I want to say to program survivors, whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever was done to you, whatever you did to yourself or to others, it wasn’t your fault. You were subjected to enormous stress, and you were only a vulnerable child. If you were humiliated and hurt, there is no shame in that. The shame is entirely on the people who hurt you. They are the pathetic ones. They are the truly damaged creatures. Some day you might even feel a little sorry for them. But most importantly, please, never blame yourself. NONE of it was your fault. NONE of it had to with you, or what you deserved, or how much you’re worth. Even if they made you hurt other kids, you are innocent. Please believe this. I KNOW that this is true.

Furthermore, you are whole. You have survived. You are here. You may have post-traumatic stress, you may be carrying all sorts of hurts and foul memories, you may have even hurt yourself in the time since you got out of the abusive program. But you are bigger than your injuries, and you will heal and rise above them. Perhaps you already have.

Never give up on yourself. You are a good person and the world needs your love and kindness.

May you be happy.